That's Me, Ben.

Hey! As you may know, my name is Harry Potter, or “The Chosen One” as some may choose to call me. But don’t be fooled – I’m really nothing all that special. People just kind of assume that because my parents were so popular in school or because I have this lightning-bolt scar on my forehead that I’m the one to save us all. Yeah. Ok.

Here’s another thing I want to clear up, the whole “You-Know-Who” business. He’s just some really pale, ugly, bald guy who walks around in nothing but a black robe and attacks and terrorizes school children. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions about that. To me, that’s just creepy. Think about it – who else would live on the back of someone’s head like a growth, drink unicorn blood, possess a young girl through a journal, and surround himself with freaks and outcasts like Peter Pettigrew as followers? No one but old Voldemort himself.

Anyway, like I said, people think I’m so amazing, but my OWL test scores are just about average, if not below. Why not declare someone whose scores are perfect, someone like Hermione Granger, the savior of the Wizarding World? I mean, sure, she has attitude issues, and she’s arrogant, and she’s a know-it-all, and she won’t get rid of the God-awful cat, and she never shuts up, and – actually, I see why not. But how about Ron Weasley? Do wizards and witches have something against gingers? I don’t know.

I guess this attention isn’t that bad after all. People give me free stuff just because I’m me! I was at Honeydukes the other day, and some witch handed me a pocketful of Chocolate Frogs. Of course, being ever so humble, I graciously accepted the gift. Then she just walked away, muttering “Bless you, Harry Potter.” Alrighty then, crackpot.

So anyway, I hope you guys have realized that I’m actually just like you. Except you’re Muggles. And I’m a wizard, and you can’t do magic…actually, we’re not the same at all. Oh, forget it. I have a meeting with Dumbledore now. Another boring trip down boring old Voldemort Memory Lane. See ya!

Yeah, that’s it! I hope it’s not too long, when I read it, it takes about 5 minutes. :D